How Can I Not Love You
by Mayuna
Summary: Keaka reflects on her past and wonders if there can ever be a future with a certain red head.


A/N: In honor I guess you could say, of my being on for two years now I am fixing the first fic I posted on here because it really is atrocious. Not the story, I think it's great but the way I wrote it is just 'blah'. So…song fic 'How Can I Not Love You' Re-mastered for reading enjoyment. Arigatou!!!

Kurama's words still rung clear in Keaka's mind.  
'I have alot to think about Keaka cutie. Please understand that I may not come back this time. If this is the case please do not take it personally…'  
Don't take it personally? Well how the hell else was she supposed to take it? Keaka sat underneath the cherry tree in the park where she and Kurama had spent many hours simply chatting. She hung her head sadly.  
_  
-Cannot touch -Cannot hold -Cannot be together_

He had told her before that he wasn't sure if it was only his human side who had such strong feelings towards her. Keaka sighed. Shuichi Kurama was compassionate, caring and highly affectionate towards her. Where as Yoko Kurama was distant and seemingly not wanting much to do with her. It had been hard for her to accept the fact that Shuichi and Kurama were in fact two completely seperate people.

-_Cannot love -Cannot kiss -Cannot have each other_

Yoko Kurama had told her to back off and simply forget about her feelings for the time being because she was directing them at the wrong person and walked away. Did that mean he hated her? She had gone back to the group feeling rejected and hurt. Yusuke had heard the entire thing and wrapped an arm around her.

_-Must be strong and we must let go -Cannot say what our hearts must know_

Keaka had buried her head in his shoulder and cried.  
'Don't cry Keaka-chan. He didn't mean it. He's just..umm well just. Hmmm, well he's uh…' Yusuke wasn't able to come up with anything. Keaka kept her eye on Kurama as he sat under a tree he had grown for shade and sat with his arms crossed over his chest. His golden eyes staring at her emotionlessly so unlike Shuichi's vibrant green ones that she could read like a book. Keaka snapped her head back up as if coming back to reality. She glanced down at her arms and smiled wistfully.

-_How can I not love you?  
-What do I tell my heart?  
-When do I not want you here in my arms?  
_  
Her arms were covered with a winding scar caused from the rose whip. Before the dark tournament Keaka had asked Kurama to train her to make her stronger.  
Kurama had merely eyed her before speaking. "I must make it clear, Hiei went easy on you because of his honor. I, however, will not." Keaka had only shook her head. "It won't help me or anyone else in the group. I'm still not strong enough. Kurama please, toughen me up." She had said. Kurama stood still for a moment before taking action. "As you wish." He said as he jumped high into the air producing his rose whip. Her arms and torso had become completely entangled in the poisonous vine. The wounds had taken forever to heal but left very elegant scars all over her body.

_-How does one waltz away from all of the memories?  
-How do I not miss you when you are gone?_

Keaka stood up to begin the walk home. The smell of the cherry blossoms reminded her so much of Kurama. He just had a natural auroma to him that reminded her of nature. She sighed and picked up her book bag. She straightened out her short red skirt that was part of her uniform and started walking in no particular direction. Keaka passed Kurama's old high school where he had graduated from a year earlier. She distantly remembered a particular essay that had been hard for him to write.

"When you think about the future what is it that comes to mind. Whats so hard about that kitsune?" Keaka asked sitting on his bed. Kurama took the paper back from her and sighed. "I've never really thought about the future before at least not living it out here in the Ningenkai." He had said. "Well what do you dream about?"

_-Cannot dream -Cannot share sweet and tender moments_

He didn't have an answer for her. He had simply put the paper down and suggested they go to the ramen shop that Keiko's family owned for lunch. Keaka walked past the school rather quickly not wanting to stop anymore. She walked on with her head down.  
"A pretty flower for the pretty lady?" Keaka looked up to see an old woman holding out a blood red rose to her. The woman reminded her much of Genkai.  
"I don't have any money. Gomen na " Keaka said starting to walk away.  
"No no. It's a gift my dear. Please take it." The woman said. Keaka slowly extended her hand out to take the rose.  
'Why did it have to be a rose?' Keaka though to herself trying not to let her tears spill.  
"Arigatou basaan." Keaka said cheerfully. The woman smiled back at her and turned back around. Keaka pressed on gently caressing the soft petals between her fingers.

-_Cannot feel how we feel -Must pretend it's over._

She and Kurama had dated for a little while but he had called it off. As she thought about it he had never really given her an answer as to why. She had simply smiled at him and made a cheerful remark even though her heart had felt as if it were shattering. Kurama's eyes had sparkled as if on the verge of tears.  
_  
-Must be brave and we must go on -Cannot say what we've known all along._

Keaka stopped to put the rose in a pocket on the front of her back pack and realized she had gone the wrong way without even realizing it. How could she take a wrong turn? She walked the same route every day how could she have gone the wrong way. She glanced at the rose and how the woman really had reminded her of Genkai.  
"Maybe there signs." She said aloud. She contemplated a moment longer and decided to just keep going wherever she may end up. She turned down a street that she had been down a million times before like many others in the city but this one was different. Keaka stopped still in her tracks and stared down the street. As if magically she were transported back in time to a warm spring day. Keaka stood on the street next to Yusuke and Botan; all three staring at the demon compass which was going hay wire. Keaka had looked up to see a young red haired boy watching them. Casually he had walked towards their direction. There had been something about him that she had trusted. Keaka remembered Kurama telling her that he would return the mirror to her only if she met up with him in three days. Keaka had met up with Kurama at the hospital. That was where she met Shiori for the first time and learned of Kurama's past.

_-How can I not love you? -What do I tell my heart?  
-When do I not want you here in my arms?  
-How does one waltz away from all of the memories -How can I not miss you when you are gone?  
-How can I not love you?_

Keaka had been deeply touched by Kurama's story feeling that his death had been very painful and extemely lonely. Keaka stared straight ahead of her without really seeing anything just letting her feet guide her. The doors to the hospital swung open as she stepped into the emergency room and made her way to the elevator. Her thoughts suddenly turned to the dark tournament and the moment she realized how much she truly cared for the reincarnated yoko.

_-Must be brave_

Kurama's match with Touya. That night Kurama had fallen violently ill as a result from implanting the death seed in his body. His temperature soared only adding to the aches and pains he was feeling already and also adding some vomiting to the mix. Keaka sat up with him all night long. Helping him sit up when he felt nauseous and holding his hair back so he wouldn't get anything in it. Every half hour sponging down his trembling body that had dripped with cold sweat and had just been there for him when he needed someone to take care of him. Thinking about it now even four years later still brought tears to her eyes.

_-Must be strong._

The elevator doors opened and Keaka stepped out heading straight for the stairs that would lead her to the roof. Her hand trembled a little as she pushed open the door and began her ascend up the stairs. Then of course his match with Shigero in the Makai tournament. She had thought that that was it that he had finally been able to come to terms with his humanity but still there was something in him that called him back to the Makai.

_-Must not say what we've known all along._

Keaka stood on the roof in the same spot she had when she was twelve years old and first met Kurama. She closed her eyes and pictured his long hair blowing in the night wind swirling around him. Those gorgeous green eye's illuminated softly by the moonlight. She knew then that very night that he was the only man for her. He was her true love. "Keaka." A soft familiar voice said from behind her. Keaka turned around sharply to see Kurama standing behind her letting the door to the stairwell close behind him. Keaka examined him closely. Something was different about him. Her eye's widened as he walked closer to her. "Your hair! It's so short!" Keaka exclaimed. Kurama laughed a little and ran a hand through it.  
"Yes well I decided it was time for a change. I've decided that alot of things need to change." Kurama stated. Keaka stood quiet with bated breath waiting for him to continue. Kurama came within arms length of her and stopped. They stared at eachother for what seemed like an eternity when Kurama shot his hand out and grabbed the strap of her book bag pulling her closer to him.

_-How can I not love you?  
-What do I tell my heart?_

"I need you. I understand that now. I belong here with you Kuwabara Keaka. You are my future." Kurama whispered softly in her ear.  
_  
-How can I not want you here in my arms?_

"I thought I'd never see you again kitsune." Keaka said quietly.

-How does one waltz away from all of the memories?

Kurama gently rubbed her back.  
"I decided it was time to let Yoko Kurama rest in peace." He said somberly. Keaka looked into those green eyes and realized his hair wasn't all that was different. Right from the first moment they met whenever Kurama looked at her she felt as if the person she was looking at wasn't the same who was looking back at her. As if there was someone trapped inside of Shuichi seeing everything through his eyes. But now as she gazed into the endless green pools all she saw was Shuichi Minamino, Yoko Kurama was in fact gone. Keaka buried her head on his shoulder.  
"Oh Shu-chan." She said trying not to let her voice waiver. "Are you okay with that?" He said becoming concerned. Keaka looked back at him and smiled.  
"Well if from time to time I can still call you kitsune then I suppose it will be alright." She said good naturedly. Shuichi smiled back at her and nodded.  
"I wouldn't have it any other way." He said leaning closer to her. Keaka brought her face to his brushing her lips against his enjoying the warmth. "I'm just happy that you're home Shuichi." Keaka said softly against his lips.  
"As am I." Kurama said pressing his lips full onto hers kissing her deeply.

_-How can I not miss you when you are gone?_

Even though Keaka was saddened that the silver fox was gone, or maybe just lay dormant within Shuichi she didn't really know for sure, a thought suddenly struck her that perhaps it was Shuichi she had falled in love with to begin with. Yoko Kurama knew and that was why he had turned his back to her that day. He wasn't being cruel or heartless. He knew that Shuichi loved her and she loved Shuichi and he didn't want to jeopardize or complicate their relationship. Keaka wrapped her arms around Shuichi's neck tightly deepening the kiss further. A fierce wind suddenly picked up grasping the rose from its place and swirled it around gracefully before carrying it away.  
_  
-How can I not love you when you are gone?_


End file.
